For the past three weeks, I have been intending to write this post but simply could not get myself to do so. The memories are so acute, the wound still has no signs of scabs, the pain is just so real.
Little time goes by that I don't think of Judy, in some way. It is still so unfathomable that she is gone forever. Surely, so convince me my emotions, she will just come around the corner in the empty hallway. That ringing phone at 6:30 p.m, that must be she telling me she is going to be late from work, again, because of an unexpected crisis. The sound of the door to the dining room that I left slightly ajar when I went to sit in the yard, that must be Judy coming out with a mojito for me, right?
Those are my emotions whispering. My intellect, however, tells me loud and clear that all this will never happen. Never, never, never again. And that is what is so hard to deal with. The finality of it all. Oh, how I h-a-t-e it!
Three weeks ago tomorrow, we had Judy's beautiful service and her unforgettable Celebration of Life in the park. I was humbled by the huge number of friends who showed up—some of whom had started the long drive to Lubbock in the early wee hours. Others flew in to not only pay their last respects but also support me. Dear friends, I cannot tell you how much this meant to me. I had no idea how many people Judy had affected in her life, and I had no idea of the profound impact that she had on so many of them. Actually, I do not think that Judy herself ever had any idea. She would have been embarrassed and would have wanted to brush the attention aside, but, knowing her, privately she would have been proud to have had a positive impact on not just one but so many.
If anything, these past few weeks have shown me even more how, well, good it is to be a good person. Judy was a good person. She lived a good life. She did good deeds. She was "good" incarnate, indeed.
I believe all of us who knew Judy have learned immensely from all this, in various ways. She touched us all, and in that sense her life continues even in her death. In her own way she made sure that we'd be better ourselves because she taught us so well in ways we can't forget. What a truly remarkable human being Judy was.
This blog will stay open to serve as an inspiration to those who may seek it. In the weeks to come I will add more photos and other mementos to celebrate Judy's time with us, but I do not think there will be too many more posts like this. If anything, I hope you will guide others to this blog, people who might benefit from some of the material that can be found here. I may add a small area that allows you to keep up with my future path, if you so choose—or maybe I'll start a blog for myself or use Facebook or some such tool. We'll see. No hurry now. The healing needs to start, and that will take time, lots of time.
Thank you for partaking in our long and arduous journey. Judy and I love you all.
Jürgen
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